Alright! So its finally Friday night and I just wanted to say. I'M GLAD OMGGGGG. I've been working so hard this whole week that I realised I haven't been cutting myself some slack for a while now. Anyways, today was my last day at the ward before I get transferred out to the Polyclinics next week. YES. Finally! Start work at 8am, end work at 4pm! I can wake up later and slowly take a 10 minutes walk to the nearby polyclinic near my home everyday! Okay anyways, I don't want to talk about work. I want to talk about personal life for a change. JUST. PERSONAL. LIFE.

So here we go...

Recently, I've been feeling very very shitty these days partly due to the fact that not many of my friends have been giving me barely any response everytime I try to get into contact with them. And I've been feeling this way since the start of last week and I have to admit. I'm at my limit to keep myself smiling even though I'm actually not okay :/ -shrugs-

I definitely know that writing in here won't help much but at least it lets me express my concerns somewhere. And I know I don't have much readers reading my blog nowadays so typing it here is like a pointless thing to do. I mean, its not like anyone's gonna read about how I feel, and actually try to help me with it. I mean, really, I don't even think I'm the type that people would want to go all out for. So yeah. But still, the reason I type it here is just so that I can express my own concerns and probably, hope to feel better by the time I'm done typing here.

I'm so sorry guys, But I have to be very honest and blunt here in the next paragraph. I've been keeping in too many things to myself that I think I'm going to just break down and cry myself to sleep. Probably. urgh. So yeah, if anyone of you gets offended, I apologise, I do it only because I want to let off whatever steam I have onto my back so yeah, I hope you guys understand.

Anyways, here I go.

As a start. I feel like shit and like no one cares about me at all. Like seriously. NO ONE. Cares. Throughout my whole life, I'm always the one asking people if they're okay and throughout my whole life. NO ONE HAS EVER ASKED ME IF I'M OKAY OR NOT. And its so frustrating that the people you would do so much for, doesn't care a single shit about you. All people ask me about are things like "Dude, how's the stuff I passed you to keep? Is it safe?" and things like "Heyyyy. You're a good friend of mine. Can you borrow me BLAHBLAHBLAH?" Thats all the people around me care about. They care about they're own matters and they're own things. Its fucking demoralising. You guys are only nice to me when you need something. Other than that you leave me to solve my own fucking problems when I've helped you guys so much. All I ask for is just for you guys to show a little concern to me. Like just ask me if I'm okay and doing fine. Is that so much to ask? IS IT?! I just feel like I shouldn't care about people anymore considering how they're treating me right now. Its not fair. Why should I care and help people that don't even care a single shit about me? People that don't even spare a thought about me? And ironically, all these people I'm talking about are of my close friends. Like what the fuck sia.

Then everytime once in a while I contact you guys, send you guys a text, whatsapp, tweet or even facebook, no one gives a damn about me! Like my comments and opinions don't matter and they just continue to reply among themselves! I FEEL LIKE SHIT WHEN YOU DO THIS TO ME OKAY. I'M HUMAN. I HAVE EMOTIONS. I NEED FRIENDS TO SURVIVE. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? HAVE I DONE ANYTHING WRONG TO BE IGNORED SO MUCH?! If its once or twice, its fine! But its so many times that I find myself being ignored! Its like shit. Seriously. I don't even know what to do anymore! I can't cry, I can't laugh, I can't smile, I'm confused! I'm not even sure what to do anymore! Urgh. Imagine 3-4 of your friends chatting with each other as a group, and everytime you say something, they don't take notice of your opinion and they just carry on the conversation without you. LIKE WTF! This shit has to stop people! It has to! I hate to be the bitch but if it helps me get my point across once and for all. I will be the bitch now. I'm sorry guys, but it has been 2 hard weeks for me to cope without my friends, telling myself that everything's fine and forcing myself to smile when my instincts are telling me that people want me to GTFO -sigh-

Anyways, I'm done. That was some real solid ranting and its been so long since I ranted like that. In fact I think its been 2 years ever since I last ranted like this. So yeah. I'm sorry if you guys got offended by the paragraphs, but please. Don't take it to heart. Its just for my own expression of feelings and thats all it is. So yeah, anyways, I feel much better now, (THANK GOD FOR BLOGGER) And I'll see you guys around soon! Will probably update right away tomorrow again I swear (Y) So yeah. Have a good friday night yeah! And thanks alot for reading guys!